Ep 66. How Carlos Got His Life Back From Insomnia

In this powerful episode, Carlos shares his honest journey through insomnia.

After years of overthinking and long sleep onset, a period of intense work stress pushed his nervous system into survival mode, and not sleeping became something he started to fear.

Like so many of us, Carlos did everything we're told to do: CBT-I, sleep restriction, breathing exercises, supplements, medications, and constant sleep monitoring. But the harder he tried, the worse things got.

Together, Beth and Carlos talk about the deeper truths behind insomnia:

Sleep isn’t something we need to produce. It’s something the body does all on its own.

This episode offers a big ol' dose of hope, validation, and a new way of understanding insomnia recovery.

Enjoy! 🧡

Connect with Beth:

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Work with Beth:

👉 Start the Free Insomnia Course

👉 Learn About the Mentorship

About Beth Kendall MA, FNTP:

For decades, Beth struggled with the relentless grip of insomnia. After finally understanding insomnia from a mind-body perspective, she changed her relationship with sleep, and completely recovered. Liberated from the constant worry of not sleeping, she’s on a mission to help others recover as well. Her transformative program Mind. Body. Sleep.® has been a beacon of light for hundreds of others seeking solace from sleepless nights. 

DISCLAIMER: The podcasts available on this website have been produced for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. The contents of this podcast do not constitute medical or professional advice. No person listening to and/or viewing any podcast from this website should act or refrain from acting on the basis of the content of a podcast without first seeking appropriate professional advice and/or counseling, nor shall the information be used as a substitute for professional advice and/or counseling. The Mind. Body. Sleep.® Podcast expressly disclaims any and all liability relating to any actions taken or not taken based on any or all contents of this site as there are no assurance as to any particular outcome.

 

How Carlos Broke Free From Sleep Anxiety

[Beth]

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the MindBodySleep podcast.

 

Today, I am incredibly grateful to have another member of the mentorship program with us. And I'm so thankful that he's to come on and share his story with us, because these episodes are the ones that truly seem to hit home for people. I think that when you're in the thick of it, it can feel like you're the only one going through insomnia.

 

But then when you hear from other people who are going through something so similar, and then moving beyond it, it brings a kind of relief and hope that nothing else can. So I want to extend a very warm welcome to you, Carlos. Thank you for being here.

 

[Carlos]

Thanks for having me. Thank you.

 

[Beth]

Yeah. Okay. Well, we've talked about having you on for a while, and you're finally here.

 

I couldn't be happier. So I'll just start out with the first question, which is, if you wouldn't mind just walking us back a bit and telling us how your story began.

 

[Carlos]

Okay. Well, my story actually began when I was a kid. I think when I first had my one-on-one with you, my first one, I was that kid that I remember vividly when I was in kindergarten and preschool.

 

Like, nap time for me was like a struggle. And I'd sit there watching all the other kids with the music, and the lights would turn off to have us take our afternoon nap, right? And I just could not fall asleep.

 

I would not. And I was sort of almost like envious of it. Like, how come I can't sleep?

 

How come these kids all fall asleep and I'm sitting here? And it's the same. I'm just having conversations with some colleagues in the office about we all have a conference in New York, and the flights of what my schedule is permitting would require me to get on a red-eye to go to New York.

 

And I just tell people, like, I don't sleep on planes. I don't sleep on planes for international flights. You know, I remember a 14-hour flight to Australia and to Europe, et cetera.

 

I just don't sleep on planes. I'm the guy walking around, sitting with his dome light up, reading. That's who I am.

 

And I remember as a kid as well, my parents would put me to bed, and I would just not fall asleep. I remember I could hear my dad laughing at Johnny Carson in the other room or laughing hysterically, my parents laughing at, I guess I'm aging myself, the Carol Burnett show. I'd get out of bed and come like, what are you laughing at?

 

What's so funny, you know? But that's just, I just couldn't fall asleep. I was the last kid to fall asleep at slumber party.

 

I was just, I just always had a long sleep onset that seemed to go on quite a while throughout my life. It would be, it seemed like an hour or two of just before I could wind down. I do have a very active mind, and I'm an overthinker by self-diagnosis and friends telling me to.

 

So that's my childhood. Going to sleep was, just took me a long time. It just did, you know?

 

[Beth]

Yeah. Yeah. I can just kind of picture you like so curious as a young guy.

 

And, you know, I just wanted to offer that it is normal for people to have like variability with their sleep onset, you know, just the way people have different appetites or different body temperatures or things like that. And did you think of it as a problem back then, or was it just, that's just the way you were?

 

[Carlos]

It was just kind of like, how come me? How come, how come, you know, I remember my older cousin taking care of me one night as my sitter and just watching him like fall asleep instantly. And I'm just like, I can't do that.

 

I don't know why. So it wasn't a problem for me. I don't think I, my parents always were pretty rigid as far as like wanting to make sure I got my, the amount of sleep I needed for the next day of school.

 

And they probably did put me to sleep earlier than I wanted to. So I never was tired or it didn't show up in any other aspects of my life. It was just like, that was just what I recall.

 

Yeah.

 

[Beth]

Yeah. Yeah.

 

[Carlos]

I'm with you.

 

[Beth]

I was very, very similar, Carlos. So I remember your story. Yes.

 

[Carlos]

Yeah.

 

[Beth]

Okay. So you kind of were, you like to think at night. I know that we've talked about that several times and, and that's not unusual either.

 

I sometimes get my best thinking done at night, but how, so tell us how insomnia developed for you.

 

[Carlos]

Well, I remember one instance of insomnia I had had for a shorter period of time, a number of years ago, almost 20 years ago, I left a job that I helped start the company. And it was very, very close to several people there. And for whatever reason came about, I left and that was the first time I had really had like a small insomnia about I, and, and friends kind of told me like, this is not uncommon.

 

You know, those are big stressors, you know, leaving the job, you know, marriage, divorce, death of a spouse or some close. Those may be events that sort of can trigger it. So, so I had a short term bout with it and, and I remembered that.

 

And then I, I kind of actually noticed in my life that my sleep onset was starting to really minimize, like I could really be the proverbial person that fell asleep once my head hit the pillow, you know, that type of thing. I wasn't the type of person that you've talked about those people that could sleep anywhere. Like I remember traveling with one of my best friends to Europe back in 2000.

 

And that guy could sleep anywhere, like on a, on a train, on a plane, like whatever. And I'm just looking like, how do you do it? But I never, I didn't have, I never, my, my sleep onset just was never an issue until it began in 2024.

 

And so we're sitting here now in December of December of 2025. And actually at my job, which I had been there for 17 years and a very intimate and private company, 25 people probably, but created quite a powerhouse of what we did in our industry. And I'm in the real estate investment industry.

 

And without going into it, some, some events happened that were pretty shattering or just shook me up greatly from ownership and management. And as we, as we, as I proceeded to find out they were negative and then they were illegal. They not the activities they were doing, but what was being done to me, it was really a dark time for me.

 

It was, it was the first time in my life and professionally that I had ever gone through as one of my advisors was telling me it's, he's like, you're, that's called white collar bullying. And so that was very unsettling for me. And it first showed up in my physical health.

 

Like I would go to work every day and my stomach would be upset. I'd had high blood pressure. I was having panic attacks.

 

This was going on throughout a period of time. And then it came true that I would, I kind of realized I'd have to leave this job because there's no resolving the situation at hand. And it was very troubling and it was very dark.

 

That's all I can say. Yeah. Yeah.

 

And it involved, you know, also people that I thought were close to me or were close to me, but it was just, it was a really, really dark and sad time. And so once I made the decision, like, it looks like I'm going to have to be moving on to the place that I work now. That became very anxious for me because some of the actions that had been taken against me were just quite mean and quite, you know, out of character for, and it involved nothing with production or some, I had been out of character or behaved improper.

 

It was kind of just, you know, just like high school bullying. You can't sit at our lunch table anymore, you know, type thing. And I never experienced that by the way.

 

I had a great, great high school and great college, but I just, that's when the sleep started to get, shall we say, disrupted. Now it was, it was a big, heavy onset of time period. It would be two or three hours because I was anxious about what legal actions or what type of actions would be taken against me because I would still be going to a competitive firm.

 

So that on top of all the, I was having panic attacks sometime at work, et cetera. And so I had a little friend that I used once in a while, about twice a month, Lorazepam and Ativan to quiet my mind as the doctor had prescribed it. And again, there was no abuse of it.

 

It was, I felt very comfortable with it. Like, well, I'm going to use, if I have a milligram tablet, I'm going to cut it in half or a quarter even, and just get myself to quiet my mind and get to sleep. And it worked.

 

It did.

 

[Beth]

Yeah.

 

[Carlos]

And that went on for several months until it got close to leaving. And about that time, I was really anxious and scared. And I left the company in the end of 2024 and I came to my new company.

 

And I can tell you when I got here to the new company, it was like coming to paradise. Like I was around great people and a great company and they respected me. And not only, you saw my wonderful view from my office and we're right here at the foot of a wonderful outdoor regional mall here in Southern California, in Newport Beach.

 

And anybody listening that knows, they'll know where that is. But it just, it felt like I was on vacation every day and I just loved it and loved coming to work again. I felt safe, just honored, respected.

 

And it was just night and day what I had experienced. Unfortunately at the company, I'd been there 17 years. So I arrived at the new company.

 

Am I going on too long here? No, no, no.

 

[Beth]

I'm just listening and you're explaining it all so well. And that must have been just such a challenging time in life. But the silver lining is that you have landed in this place of new beginnings that we were just talking about your new office and new energy and all of that.

 

But I understand how difficult that must have been. And it makes sense that you would have huge variations in your sleep and sense of safety in the world and just the processing, all of what that must have been like, just the disappointment and all the change in all of it. So I just, I really, I hear you and how difficult that must have been.

 

[Carlos]

Yeah. And I look back and I even remember some good friends of mine who were helping me along the way that there were kind of, I was confiding in and they were responding back like, I'm really worried about you. Like you seem very traumatized or somebody else was like, gosh, I, you know, they'd share with me three months later or four months, like, gosh, I was really scared for you back in, you know, four months ago, you were really having a hard time with this.

 

And I'm like, I guess I was, I really was. So I arrived at the new place and I got here on November of 2024 and I made it through the holidays, et cetera. And January, at the end of January of this year, 2025, the flu was going around, a heavy flu.

 

And I remember getting it and like, you know, enough to keep me home from work and not do some other activities that I had planned. And during the course of it, like I couldn't fall asleep and I took Sudafed and then I realized, oh, you know, there's a, there's maybe some insomnia issue dealing with it. And I didn't really understand those issues.

 

And so I managed a couple, telling myself, well, I need some sleep, you know? And the best thing I can do for myself, maybe just get some good night's sleep. Let's, let's take some Ativan.

 

And so I took like maybe half or a quarter tablet for like six days. And I felt at that point, like, okay, feels good. I'm going to, I'm going to move on now.

 

And then I couldn't fall asleep. And I had this like sleep anxiety that started coming in and I'm like, what's going on? Like, what, what is happening?

 

I feel really nervous in bed right now. And I, I can't sleep. And it happened the next night and the next night and the next night.

 

And so I'm kind of starting to freak out going like, you know, am I addicted to benzos or, you know, whatever. 25 milligrams of a tablet, you know, a quarter tablet. I even remember calling like a hotline, which, which there is, it started the, what things were happening.

 

There was a lot of fear and that it carried over from my departure. And that's where this all started. I called the hotline and the girl's like, no, you're not addicted to it, but you should get off of those quickly as possible.

 

And if I were you, I would just try melatonin. And so I was like, that sounds great. So I went and got melatonin and I used it for about five or six nights.

 

I did not like the way it felt. It felt kind of chemical and just not real, you just fuzzy. And so I went off of it and what happened, I couldn't fall asleep.

 

And then I couldn't fall asleep the next night. And it went on for about five nights, like five nights of no sleep. I was like a wreck.

 

So I went to my sleep doctor that I use for my CPAP and she said, okay, that's, this is kind of strange, but I'm going to recommend for you to try this CBTI and, and read these books about insomnia. And it worked for a couple of weeks. Like I managed to get back to sleep again.

 

I wasn't taking anything. But then back in early March, it came roaring back again, four and five nights of no sleep. And I called her up again, and she's like, oh, wow.

 

Well, now you've gone into chronic, you're not acute, you're chronic insomnia. And I'm like, I don't know what this means. And she's like, yeah, you need to sign up right away for CBTI.

 

Like I told you to a month ago. And so so if I were you, I'd get on it right away. So so I signed up.

 

[Beth]

That right there would freak me out.

 

[Carlos]

Right?

 

[Beth]

Well, and she started immediately because you've gone chronic.

 

[Carlos]

Yeah. And I did ask her I said, you know, because I went for a nice weekend, you know, relaxing, doing what I like to do out in the was involving some motor racing activity, which I'm a big fan of. And my friends are telling me like, once you that's what you love doing, you're going to have a great night's sleep while you're out there.

 

And I did ask the doctor, I said, Is there something that I can take maybe a break the glass type scenario. So she prescribed trazodone. And, and by the way, I did in that month in the February, March, when I was kind of going through it up and down, I did resume acupuncture.

 

Okay, because I heard that that's, you know, insomnia, it cures insomnia.

 

[Beth]

Yeah.

 

[Carlos]

And that that wasn't working.

 

[Beth]

Yeah.

 

[Carlos]

And, and by the way, she had told me also try these deep breathing exercises. So what is it the seven, four, eight or whatever that type of thing. And so none of that was working.

 

And then try the try the, the app, the calm app. And yeah, like, no.

 

[Beth]

Yes. And can you see how clearly the, the, the hamster wheel of looking for external? Yes, you know, it and how easily that that can become the pattern of looking for something outside of you when if that doctor had had possibly just explained to you, you know, you're, you're experiencing some, some sleep anxiety, and it's the worry about not sleeping.

 

And there's possibly some fear involved here and that you know, that your sleep system will naturally just get you right back on track. But it's, it's so just common, you know, to follow through on all of these things that you did, because that's kind of what we're told to do. And it seems like they this kind of, you know, or the fixing orientation or the fixing mindset, I call it works so well, for other aspects of life, just for sleep, it tends to have, you know, the opposite effect.

 

[Carlos]

Oh, yeah. And I remember during that time, I was I mean, I would get anxious, like, like deeply anxious that I've never felt other than the other small instant instances at bedtime or before bedtime.

 

[Beth]

Sure.

 

[Carlos]

And it was it was really crippling. I goes, Whoa, what's happening? It was like, I remember also, one of the things and that's where we're going here with fear.

 

During that February, March, even the acupuncturist and others, they would be like, when was the last time you had a blood test? And I'm like, I don't get it has been longer than I should have. I should I probably neglected it from from, you know, six months ago.

 

Because yeah, it could be organ issues or something. And so so now I'm in that hamster wheel as well, thinking like, well, maybe I'm not responding. Well, you know, maybe the the melatonin was because I have a foot, you know, poor liver or whatever, you know, and I'm just thinking fear and Google, Dr. Google and all the things you do. And so I remember, I did take a blood test in like, in, in like, end of March, and it came back, like, normal. You know, all my markers were normal. And I remember I had a good night's sleep that night.

 

I remember, like the night I got those back, and I went through and I looked through them. It was like, Oh, wow. And I slept really well.

 

Now, I go into CBT. I and that was just that that to me was like, like leeches, you know, like in the in the back. So so it's like, wait a minute.

 

So what are we doing here? And she's like, we're doing what's called sleep restriction therapy. And I'm like, okay.

 

Yeah. So she explained how it is. You probably have done it is the way I would say.

 

But with the sleep restriction, it did not work for me. In fact, the CBT, I accelerated my sleep anxiety, because, you know, what, what do they tell you, they have all the sleep hygiene things, okay, so you're following those very rigidly. And then now they've moved my bedtime to 1230pm until am with the sleep restriction.

 

And then I still haven't dealing with insomnia, and I'm not falling asleep. And what they're telling me is, get out of bed, and then do something until you fall asleep, right? And then go back and then resume.

 

But that wasn't working. Like I knew that as soon as I got out of bed, like I was done for the night, like there, there's no going back, I was not going to after a nap, etc. So CBT, I did not work from that standpoint.

 

And I remember as well, and this was something is totally contrary to your program. I did reach out to my, my, you know, coach or therapist or whatever you and I just sent her an email a couple times like, Look, I'm really having a hard time with this. Like I just it's, it's, it's dreadful.

 

And I remember when we had a session, one of our one on ones, she kind of was like, Well, could I ask a favor from you? And I was like, Yeah, she's like, Could you not send emails like that? During that, we'll just have them for this process.

 

Your your email that you would send me on on the, you know, on the messages is strictly for technical issues with the site. And I was like, Wow, okay.

 

[Beth]

So and this is your CBT therapist? Yes.

 

[Carlos]

Okay. Okay. On top of it to my doctor.

 

I'm responding to my doctor saying like, I don't know about like, I'm feeling very strange about this trazodone. And the only response I got back, oh, by the way, she left her practice. And so I was, you know, sort of adopted by another doctor who had no connection with, and I'm just getting messages back from, you know, on the portal from an administrator saying, stay with your medication, do not alleviate, you know, so.

 

So during that time of March, April, was a very, like, lonely time going through insomnia, and all of the the late nights, the multiple nights, the sleep anxiety, the, you know, as you've called it, patternizing, trying to figure out like, did I did I eat too late? Did I have Chinese food? You know, what was the solution?

 

Or where did you know, all those things were not where we're at. So may comes along, and I am taking a lesser dose of trazodone. And I am starting to calm down a little bit.

 

And I'm starting to feel good. But I went on vacation. To the, the city of Indianapolis, where I go every May.

 

For the 500. I, my father was in this in the sport. And so I follow it very closely.

 

And it's just something I do every May, I go for a couple weeks, and I really enjoy it.

 

[Beth]

Yeah.

 

[Carlos]

And they have a lot of hay fever in Indiana. And so, and it was brutal this this last. And so I know, I was piggybacking my trazodone.

 

I didn't realize it with with Benadryl. And and it was helping me sleep. And it was alleviating my, my, my pressure, you know, my sinuses issue, but but it wasn't good.

 

And I just, I knew I had to stop. And so the last session I had, it was with CBTI. And again, we're keeping track of my sleep.

 

And we had it in late in the month, because we couldn't, for three weeks, she wouldn't want me to meet. And then because I was out of state, and she couldn't license by license coach me. And we had a session on a Friday, and I hung up Beth, and I was like, I don't want to do this anymore.

 

Because it was just like a calendar report card. Yeah, like of like, well, what happened this night? And I'm like, I don't know, I couldn't fall asleep.

 

And like, what happened this night? I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, you tell me.

 

And I kept just asking her like, also, I'm on these sleep meds, and I feel I want to get off of them. I don't want to become addicted to them. I don't want to take them anymore.

 

And she was just saying, just stay on them. And then we'll wean you off of them eventually. And so I remember that, that not that evening, it was late May.

 

And I said, I don't want to do this anymore. Like, I'm kind of tired of CBTI. I've been on it for two months, plus, and it's not working.

 

We're still going back to basics on the sleep restriction.

 

[Beth]

Mm hmm.

 

[Carlos]

And that's where we were. And that's when things started to shift for me.

 

[Beth]

Yeah, shift in what way shift in terms of moving out of CBTI?

 

[Carlos]

Yes, for that, because I was just saying, like, this isn't working anymore. Yeah, it's not like you made a decision.

 

[Beth]

Like, this is not what I want to keep.

 

[Carlos]

Yeah, this is not it. I'm not this isn't working.

 

[Beth]

Yeah.

 

[Carlos]

And, you know, you read all these things. So it's the gold standard. And it's they always call it the gold standard.

 

[Beth]

Oh, yes.

 

[Carlos]

Yeah. So I remember that Sunday night, I was chatting with my dad. I'm like, you know, I don't want to, I don't want to do this anymore.

 

And I go on top of it, Dad. I don't like being on these meds. I just don't like it.

 

I don't. It makes me feel weird. My vision field is messed up.

 

And I got to get off of these. I don't want to be doing this anymore. And so that Monday, I remember waking up, and I just made the determination, spiritually as well.

 

That's like, today's the day I'm going to start my healing process. Like today, like, now, I know, that's contrary to, you know, like, because you've explained how insomniacs, we try to fix things, right?

 

[Beth]

Yeah.

 

[Carlos]

Like, we're always sort of like, okay, today's the day. So when I was declaring, like, I'm going to be healed today. It was more of like, I'm going to just let go of this.

 

I'm really tired. Yeah, like, I'm letting go. Yeah, maybe starting the healing, I was gonna just put it, I'm a person of faith.

 

And so I was like, I'm just gonna put it in God's hands. And I'm gonna just do this differently. And I went to lunch, I even took the day off from work.

 

And when I came back from work, I started Googling. And I Googled. And this, this person, mind, body, sleep, has this, and the question I remember punching into Google was, like, does CBT, I work for everyone?

 

[Beth]

Oh, yeah.

 

[Carlos]

Or, or what is, you know, what is, you know, or whatever, because I, because provider, because and, and you're starting to feel really like 80%. Is what it said, and or me, I know, this is, this is just perfect, right? For me, like health issues when you go, Oh, can you solve this?

 

Like, Oh, not for you, though. Like, you know, those, like, I have an eye issue. And like, you know, everybody's like, Oh, can you go get LASIK?

 

I'm like, I can't talk to my eye surgery is like, No, not for you. And so I'm like, well, I guess CBT is for me. But there was a series that you had.

 

And it or it was a it was an answer to why CBT I may not work for some people. And it was your list checklist of of why and every single one of those I identified with like, yeah, yeah, yep. Yeah, it puts more straight, you know, so.

 

So I was like, Oh, wow, I'm gonna I'm gonna dig a little deeper here. And so I started digging into your website. And I saw some of your, you know, I think some of the free material, right?

 

And I started going through it. And it was like, wow, this is really cool. Like I, it really, I can tell you about that was the day that the light was shining.

 

Versus the darkness. Yeah, I was it started that the sun started coming up on that day, because