Ep 56. Relinking Wakefulness

Have you ever wondered what actually makes insomnia recovery possible?

In this episode, I'm going to talk about exactly that.

We’ll explore one of the most hopeful principles of neuroplasticity — and why it’s the reason getting beyond insomnia isn't just possible… but inevitable when you understand how the brain works.

You see, the human brain has the amazing capacity to change associations and shift links.

And truly, is there anything more miraculous than that?

Tune it to discover:

🔸 How your responses play a key role in rewiring the brain

🔸 Why insomnia isn’t a sign that something is broken, but a conditioned pattern rooted in hyperarousal

🔸 Why changing your brain’s association with wakefulness can be a turning point in recovery

I also share a powerful personal story that illustrates how learned fear responses can shift, and why that same shift is possible for you, too.

Enjoy!

Mentioned Resources:

Ep 32: “Neurons that fire together, wire together.”

Connect with Beth:

👉 Instagram

Work with Beth:

👉 Start the Free Insomnia Course
👉 Learn About the Mentorship

Transcription below.

About Beth Kendall MA, FNTP:

For decades, Beth struggled with the relentless grip of insomnia. After finally understanding insomnia from a mind-body perspective, she changed her relationship with sleep, and completely recovered. Liberated from the constant worry of not sleeping, she’s on a mission to help others recover as well. Her transformative program Mind. Body. Sleep.® has been a beacon of light for hundreds of others seeking solace from sleepless nights.

DISCLAIMER: The podcasts available on this website have been produced for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. The contents of this podcast do not constitute medical or professional advice. No person listening to and/or viewing any podcast from this website should act or refrain from acting on the basis of the content of a podcast without first seeking appropriate professional advice and/or counseling, nor shall the information be used as a substitute for professional advice and/or counseling. The Mind. Body. Sleep. Podcast expressly disclaims any and all liability relating to any actions taken or not taken based on any or all contents of this site as there are no assurance as to any particular outcome.

 

FULL TRANSCRIPT:

How the Brain Unlearns Fear Around Being Awake

Welcome + Today’s Topic

Hello everyone, it's so good to be with you on the podcast today. This is going to be a juicy episode I think, so I’m glad you’re here with me today. My name is Beth, I’m a sleep coach for people with insomnia. And I help you understand what’s going on in your mind and body so you can get back to living the life that you love—free from the fear of not sleeping.

Today we're going to talk about what it means to relink wakefulness—and how changing your brain’s association with being awake at night is one of the most integral keys to lasting recovery from insomnia.

This was an understanding I had when I was going through my own recovery process, so I hope that it will be helpful for you, too.

The Role of Neuroplasticity in Recovery

Someone asked me recently on a group call how I see the role of neuroplasticity factoring into the recovery path. And I thought this was such a great question. Because the truth is, neuroplasticity is the basis for why we can recover at all.

Neuroplasticity is simply the brain's ability to change. It’s a big word for a beautiful process that allows us to unlearn previous patterns of association.

Understanding Associations

So let’s just talk about associations and how they factor into today’s conversation.

All learning happens through association - the brain links certain experiences together through our senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch).

It’s kind of like how the smell of cookies might remind you of your grandma’s kitchen, or how a certain song takes you back to a specific moment in time.

In much the same way, your brain can link being awake at night with danger or stress — even if nothing threatening is actually happening. That’s just how the brain works: it connects one thing to another to help us make sense of the world, even when those links don’t serve us anymore.

I go deeper into this in a previous episode called: “Neurons That Fire Together, Wire Together.” I think it’s episode 32, but I’ll link it for you in the show notes.

My First Experience of Relinking

Now my first understanding and lived experience of this concept was after reading Annie Hopper’s book “Wired for Healing,” which was one of my first introductions into the whole mind-body world.

But the basic premise of Annie’s book centers on the idea that many chronic conditions, of which I consider insomnia to be one, are driven by maladaptive plasticity. Meaning the brain can become hypervigilant and get stuck in a survival loop by interpreting certain events as a threat, even when they’re not.

Now, I don’t really agree with the term “maladaptive” because I believe the brain and body always has a good reason for doing what it’s doing.

When the Brain Gets Stuck in Survival Mode

But essentially, we go through something difficult, like a period of sleep disruption, or we experience an association to sleep that triggers a protective response called hyperarousal. And this response feels so real and like you truly have somehow broken your own brain, that we believe we have lost our ability to sleep.

But you haven’t lost your ability to sleep. You’ve just developed some conditioned arousal that’s getting in the way of that natural process happening.

My Story: Chemical Sensitivities and the Power of Relinking

So one of the most mind-blowing ways I personally experienced the phenomenon I call Relinking was through some pretty intense chemical sensitivities I developed during chronic illness.

I’ve always been more sensitive to chemicals and fragrances than the average person, but when I was dealing with chronic Lyme disease, my brain felt like it was on fire. Even the faintest smell of something — a dryer vent a block away, candles were the worst, or even wifi signals — would send my body into a full inflammatory response. My face would get all blotchy, my eyes would water, I couldn’t breathe, and sometimes I thought I would pass out.

It made no logical sense. I mean, how could a dryer sheet a block away take me down to such a level? Yet, here was my body reacting like it was in extreme danger.

The even weirder part was that sometimes the reaction would happen before I even encountered the chemical, so it was just the anticipation of it that would send my system into panic. Which was another huge clue to me that something was up.

But after reading Annie’s book, I started to understand that my brain had labeled these things as threats. And without even realizing it, I was constantly reinforcing that threat through the way I lived — all the Facebook groups I was in, the constant monitoring and avoidance of all things chemicals, the hours I spent worrying about it and researching it. I had unintentionally trained my brain to see the world as dangerous.

So the survival loop just got stronger.

The Hope Behind Neuroplasticity

But here’s the good news, my friends: because of neuroplasticity, we can unlearn those patterns. We can create new links. And thank god for that.

So that’s basically what I did. I started gently introducing new ways of being with the things my brain had labeled as dangerous.

And then one day, I’ll never forget this because it was such a big moment, I walked into a public bathroom and the bathroom had a candle burning in it. So I sort of braced for a reaction to come. But… it never came. Nothing happened.

Not only did nothing happen, but the candle smelled good to me. Which hadn’t happened in years. So I sort of stood like what is even happening right now?

Now, I know this might sound like a small thing, but if you’ve ever dealt with chemical sensitivities, then you know what a big deal it is. That day gave me all the evidence I needed to know that change was possible.

After that, I started smelling everything I could. Sometimes I had a reaction, sometimes I didn’t — but I was no longer SO deathly afraid of chemicals. And now I can walk down a Target detergent aisle with zero response. And I never take that for granted. Walking down the Target detergent aisle was kind of like my graduation day from chemical sensitivities.

Why This Story Matters for Insomnia

So life is good.

But the whole reason I shared this story is that sometimes it can be helpful to hear about situations that aren’t necessarily insomnia but clearly have some parallels.

And as a coach, these are the experiences I’m working from.

So there was never actually anything wrong with my body’s resiliency to handle a dryer sheet a block away, it was that my limbic system had become so sensitized to all these things that it was creating a danger response in my body.

And I do want to definitely emphasize that everything I was feeling physically was real. Everything you’re going through with hyperarousal and the effects of not sleeping is real. But the threat that the mind is operating from is not.

What Does “Relinking Wakefulness” Really Mean?

Okay, so back to relinking wakefulness because that’s what this episode is about. What do I mean by relinking wakefulness?

Well, there are lots of ways this concept has already been introduced into the world. The first time I heard it was with Claire Week’s phrase welcoming the unwelcome. In my program I use Daniel Erichsen’s term Befriending Wakefulness. But neither of these actually gets under the hood of why we would want to do such a thing.

And I am a WHY person through and through. I like to get to the granular of why as much as I possibly can because when something makes sense to me, I’m much more inclined to do it. And once I understand the why, I’m pretty good at letting go of the why.

Creating New Links of Safety

So why would we want to befriend wakefulness or welcome the unwelcome? Because let’s just be honest, this can feel like a pretty big ask when you’re going through such a hard thing.

Well, we’re taking old associations and creating new associations.

We are taking a link of danger and creating a link of safety.

We are basically creating a new experience around something that the mind perceives as dangerous so it can let go of hyperarousal.

It really is that simple.

If my brain could relink the response I had to chemicals, I knew it could do the same thing with the amplified fear I felt about not sleeping or experiencing something that could disrupt my sleep.

Those felt like much bigger threats in my past life than they do now.

So, the loop can change. In fact, I would say that it has no choice BUT to change when you start interacting with it differently.

A Real-Life Example: The 3am Wake-Up

So let me throw out a simplified example of this just so you have something to go on….

Let’s say your current situation is that you’re waking up at 3am and then not falling back to sleep, which is a pretty common scenario.

So if you wake up at 3am and immediately start catastrophizing — worrying about what it means, how you'll make it through the day, maybe even reaching for Google or trying everything imaginable to prevent it from ever happening again — your brain is likely to tag this as a pretty NOT GOOD thing.

But if you wake up at 3am, and even though you're not thrilled about it, you remind yourself that nothing dangerous is actually happening… that all humans wake up multiple times a night and usually drift back to sleep without even remembering it…then your brain starts to learn: okay, this isn’t a threat.

That’s the difference between reinforcing a fear loop and gently starting to unwind it, and how our responses play a role in this.

The Power of Being Human

So I hope the concept of relinking makes sense, everyone —because it’s one of the most powerful tools we have. And I hope you see the hope behind neuroplasticity, because it’s what makes true recovery from insomnia possible.

Many species can adapt and change their brains in response to experience. But only ONE species can consciously direct that change—and that’s us. The humans.

We’re the only beings on the planet who can shape, sculpt and self-direct the circuitry of our own brain.

Which I find extraordinary.

Closing

Thanks for listening to the Mind. Body. Sleep. Podcast. I’m Beth Kendall and I’ll see you next time…